Editor’s Note – November-December 2022

The Gender of a Computer

On the first day of school, a language instructor was explaining to her adult education class that, in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine and feminine. “House, in French, for example, is feminine – la maison. Pencil is masculine – le crayon,” she said.

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is a computer’?”
The teacher didn’t know, and the word wasn’t in her French dictionary. So, for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender. And she asked them to decide whether computer should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men’s group decided that computers should be of the feminine gender (la computer), because:

1. Only their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

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The women’s group concluded that computers should be masculine (“le computer”), because:

1. To get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but they’re still clueless.
3. They’re supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

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Take Home College Entrance Exam for Student Athletes (Time Limit: 1 Week)

1. What language is spoken in France? __
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR write the first name of Donald Trump. __
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (Circle only one)

(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (Circle only one)

(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion: How many feet is 0.0 meters? _
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? _
7. How many commandments did Moses receive? (approximately) __
8. What are people in America’s far north called? (Circle only one)

(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners (d) Easterners

9. Spell RABBIT: __
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. ______________________________
11. Where does rain come from? (Circle only one)

(a) Macy’s
(b) Walmart
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity? (Circle only one)

(a) yes (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for? ______________
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the national anthem for what country? __
15. Explain Le Chatelier’s Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium OR spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS. ____________
16. Where is the basement in a 3-story building? _
17. If you have five apples, how many apples do you have? __
18. Which part of America produces the most oranges? (Circle only one)

(a) New York (b) Florida (c) Canada (d) Wisconsin

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for? __
20. This University’s tradition of excellence began when (approximately)? (Circle only one)

(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.

__________ print your name here
Check only one of the following and sign below
I swear that I had help completing this exam. _ I swear that I did not have help completing this exam. _

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